Planning Fallacy

Planning fallacy — a prediction phenomenon, all too familiar to many, wherein people underestimate the time it will take to complete a future task, despite knowledge that previous tasks have generally taken longer than planned.

After learning about this word in Social Psychology (one of my electives during my Winter 2019 semester), it dawned on me that I do fall in that death trap regularly. Well, my previous post was after my 3rd semester, and now I'm posting AFTER my 4th semester. It's really difficult to keep up.

I have a niece and nephew that I couldn't even visit during semesters, which I find kind of sad. Sad for myself that I can't do that. Well, I suppose I can, but again I fall into a death trap of really just wanting to relax during my me-times. I'm not really proud of it.

But now I have a little break. I decided to take a course during the summer to off-load my 5th semester which has 7 courses. Reducing it to 6 would make my life easier. So I'm taking Calculus 2 this summer. 2 nights a week. Shouldn't be too bad but I will definitely miss my full summer freedom I had last year.

In terms of my schooling, it's going really well. I received a scholarship award from the Barrett Family Foundation which was so awesome and came as a surprise. Very thankful for that. Semester went well. A few mishaps here and there due to my procrastination — something I can't help a lot of the times. My semester consisted of Embedded Microcontroller, which taught us assembly language, Computer Networking basics, Calculus 1, Intro to PLC, Telecommunincations, and finally my chosen elective Social Psychology.

Made tons of new friends, some much closer than others. As well as awesome professors at my college at Humber. And I can now finally say I have played Dungeons and Dragons since our group of Electronics Engineers gotten together to start it and one wanted to become a Dungeon Master. And what great fun our sessions do get! I also became one of the social media person for our IEEE Humber club. I'm not really a social media fanatic but it's kinda fun to mess with it. Being OCD definitely helps.

I also had Embassy Church during the first 9(?) weeks of the semester. Although it would've been more fun to get to know more the people there, I still felt out of place socially as I am on the older side compared to the majority of them. I had to skip their Banquet night...

I purchased a 3D Printer also! Can't wait to show some of my prints. I'm not a crazy experienced 3D model designer, so I just download models from Thingiverse. And boy, 3D printing has a HUGE STEEP learning curve. It's definitely not a plug and print type of machine. I'll elaborate more on a post about specifically 3D printing.

Outside school, I finally got to play my bass guitar in front of a crowd with a group of friends. Was nerve wracking but FUN! I'm not really a good bass player yet as I lack practice. But after that, it gave me a boost to keep going with it. I sold my 5-string bass and ordered a 4-string one. I hated my first bass with a passion because of that 5th string that I never use. I hope to be able to play better because my friend is also wanting to sharpen – or resharpen – his instrument playing skills. And by the way, it was also my first time carrying all my musical equipment (bass in a hard case, amp, stand, music stand) into my car and unload it to the location. Kudos to all the people who do that on a regular basis.

Anyways, I wasn't on planning on writing this much but it just kept coming out! I basically laid a foundation for myself since now I can talk about any of the above for a next post. Until next time~

Image by NORTHFOLK

Kicking it back up

I'm not dead. This blog kinda did die, however. It stares at me every time I open my browser, because it is on my bookmark bar. And I do use my web browser quite a lot. After all, I'm in school! Yes, I am! Second year now actually. Whew why the times have gone by so fast. Just finished third semester at Humber College north. Electronics Engineering Technologist program, three years. Half way done.

Any who, I want to write more but I haven't had any time to do so — that's a lie. We always make time for what we want to do in our life. The most important thing just takes priority over any others. That's usually the lazy, most time wasting activity we can think of. We can waste away watching YouTube or rewatching some movie we've seen numerous times (guilty).

So what am I telling myself here? I'd like to start this blog back up. I did say that before but I failed to do so. I just need to be a little more organized... Well I am on school break for three weeks — we'll see what happens.

Almost three years later

It is Spring time—allergy season!

Wow! Every now and then I am reminded that I still have this blog just because there is a link on my browser's bookmark bar that leads here. So much has changed! I no longer have Facebook and I just deleted my Twitter. I just have Instagram and Google+ which I never use.

My walk with God is being strengthened each day. Thanks to the circumstances He places me in. As well as the convictions that is jammed into my heart. I am surrounded by brothers that keeps me accountable for what I say and promise and the actions that correspond to them.

I hope to use this blog more but not in a way that it becomes a distraction. I still don't have any plans to delete any of its contents as it reminds me of how I used to be and how I've changed and is still changing. It's fascinating—at least to me. Not really sure what else to say. Perhaps when I do a study I can write what I've learned. Until then, I'm not sure when I'll post again.

Grace, peace, and joy!

Dream... Into Reality?

I was at Urbana 2012 in St Louis, MO. It's a Christian Mission Conference geared towards college/university students but anyone could join. There was about 16,000 people there. During that time, God has reignited a passion that was sleeping in my heart. I had a passion for broken people that are victims of sexual exploitation.

Sex Trafficking. It's a form of Human Trafficking. Which by definition is the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring or receipt of persons, by means of threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability or of the giving or receiving of payments or benefits to achieve the consent of a person having control over another person, for the purpose of exploitation. Exploitation includes sexual exploitation, forced labor or services and/or slavery.

My passion is more focused on Child Sex Trafficking. God has given me a path to follow. He gave me a strong passion and a strong interest in Psychology. To study it in a biblical, spiritual perspective. And move in to counseling, healing and restoration of the victims. I don't have any money to pursue this. I have been in debt before and I don't wanna take a student loan. Even if I did, when I move into the field of counseling, I don't wanna do it to pay my living expenses. Besides, the places where healing is needed most are places that can't even afford a counselor. I wanna do counseling because that's what I want to do, and whether or not I get paid, I will do it because the victims matters. I would do full time volunteer counseling, healing and letting victims hear the Gospel, that despite of the horrifying traumatic experience they've gone through, there's Someone that loves them unconditionally. Sees them as beautiful. That there is hope.

I also wanna build facilities around the world that would house victims of sex trafficking. A place they would feel safe in. Where they can get counseling. Seek Godly advice. Build life-long relationships. Develop skills and learn and study. A place of worship. And equip them with the Gospel so as they enter back into society with Christ centered in their hearts and life, they'll be able to share their powerful testimony of how God transformed their life.

These are all in my head… Is it wrong to dream so big? Are we not able to bring our dreams into reality? If God is the center of all your dreams, is it wrong to keep asking and praying for Him to turn it into a reality and take steps towards it? I believe it's possible to dream big with God… and we can be sure that He will turn it into reality and His glory will shine as it happens. Fix your eyes on Jesus, dream big, surrender it to Him, place Him in the center of it and watch Him as He turns it into reality.

Confronting Fear

We all battle fear. Anything that hinders us from doing what we want, or doing the right thing. Fear of being ashamed. Fear of embarrassment. There's a lot of it and each person has a different type of fear that they struggle with.

My fear is my shortcomings. The years I've lost due to me wandering off not knowing where to go and what to do. Uninformed of the world. I didn't take school seriously. I wasn't made aware of how important it was. My shortcomings consists of lack of education, having not finished high school, and years of social isolation. These are my weaknesses and my fear which leads to other fears like the one I mentioned from previous post. Having low comprehension level, and struggle to organize my thoughts and remember them. During a conversation, my mind can easily wander off or focus on something said trying to comprehend it and block out the rest of the information coming in. Hate it! But knowing these, I can easily distinguish what God is doing in my life. For when I'm weak, He is strong.

Few months ago, I've developed a way to counter these with Biblical truths. Although I still struggle, I could grow and overcome them. So how do I confront fear? Having the knowledge that by keeping yourself cooped up in your comfort zone is fear. Afraid to try new things. Afraid of change. Afraid to make a difference. Here are my notes about fear and overcoming it.

• Fear prevents forward progress.
• Anytime we make any forward progress, Satan will take a step against us to see if we will crawl back in our hole.
• Stand your ground.
• Don't fear the unknown or change.
• Always move forward.
• "I will not fear!"
• We can feel afraid and still not be afraid!
• Feel is in the flesh, but who we are are from our "born again" spirit.
• Fear is from the devil. We do not have to live in fear. Believe in God, for He is faithful.
• LOVE is the main theme.
• Pay attention to what God is doing in our lives.
• Perfect love. No fear in love. Perfect love casts our fear.
• God has not sent us to be tormented.
• God is LOVE. God loves us very much!
• Do not be afraid of any circumstances.
• Fear is a dead end, but faith always has a future. Fear opens the door for Satan to work in our lives. Faith opens the door for God to work in our lives.
• God is giving us divine experience.
• Trust in His will for us. Not our own.

Finally, encouraging truths from the Bible.

1 John 4:8-19 (ESV)

⁸ Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. ¹⁰ In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. ¹¹ Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
¹³ By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. ¹⁶ So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. ¹⁷ By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. ¹⁹ We love because he first loved us.

Romans 8:31;35-39 (ESV)
³¹ What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
...
³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ³⁶ As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ephesians 3:17-20 (ESV)

¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, ¹⁸ may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, ¹⁹ and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Hebrews 13 (ESV)
⁵ Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” ⁶ So we can confidently say,

“The Lord is my helper;
    I will not fear;
what can man do to me?”

2 Peter 3 (ESV)
¹⁴ Therefore, beloved, since you are waiting for these, be diligent to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace.

2 Timothy 1 (ESV)
⁷ for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Psalm 118:6 (ESV)
⁶ The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
    What can man do to me?

Isaiah 41 (ESV)

¹⁰ fear not, for I am with you;
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

There really is nothing to be fearful of. But it's in our nature to be afraid of unknown. Physically, mentally, emotionally. That's why our walk with God will always be a great adventure. It is a transformation filled with surprises and awesome revelations. Even with all of these, I struggle day after day. But I will try my best to be dependent and lean on Him, my Solid Rock.

What is the worst thing in life? Death. If you're guaranteed life because of Jesus' finished work, what else is there to be afraid of? Living a miserable life is a choice that we make, and completely optional. God is always faithful.

Friend You've Been Searching For

It's been a while since I've posted something here. It's been a roller coaster ride since then. For now, I'd like to focus on a particular issue or struggle of mine.

To get to the main point, I struggle of having no real close friend(s). In High School, I had friends. In fact, I had different group of friends. But never really belonged fully with any of them. Or grew "close" to any one of them. Even then, it didn't really matter. Since I've dropped out of HS, I was disconnected with them. I was also socially disconnected with the rest of the physical world. During my gaming years, I communicated with my fingers (typed). There are some people where I did feel that they were my friend... located in some other parts of the world. Even going as far as having a long distance relationship. Looking back now, I was really searching for something... someone.

Since coming out of my hole, I was reconnected with the world. But my social skills has diminished by a lot. It's taking time but it's improving, I would say. And after giving my life to Christ, my Saviour, life has been very social. I do force myself to interact and communicate. But being an introvert, it is a challenge. Especially when I've reached my limit and become socially drained.

Since baptism, I feel something is still missing. And I continue to search for it. It wasn't until the end of Urbana 2012 that I figured out what it is that I was searching for. What I was feeling was loneliness and sadness. Not as far as depression but just longing for something I've never had in my life, ever. I was searching for a friend. Someone I can talk to. Share whatever it is that's in my mind. Good things, bad things, nonsense, jokes, anything. Someone that will listen to me, regardless of how stupid, silly, or wrong I am. Someone that will offer advice to me even if it won't help, but at least they tried. Someone who reminds me to humble myself. Someone who offers comfort when I just don't know what to do anymore. Someone that will encourage and push me to do the things I'm held accountable for. Someone to remind me of my commitments but not bring me down but helps me get there no matter how little it is. Someone who understands me and never stops believing in me. Someone who will love me for who I am, how God created me to be, regardless of my shortcomings, mistakes, and ignorance. And of course, I want to be this kind of friend as well to him/her.

I reach out for each individual that I see that could potentially be this... friend. It starts out as good, but then it dies down pretty quickly. And then I'm always left disappointed. Is it me? Am I too socially awkward? Is my history too scary? Is my testimony too overwhelming? Is it my social status? Sometimes, I feel like I live in a different world from everyone else. I don't know most things people talk about. So I'm left in silence in a group conversation. Then I feel like I don't belong and have absolutely no place in there. Perhaps it's best for me to just walk away slowly, for I have nothing to bring in that table.

During the trip back to Urbana 2012, it just hit me. This friend I'm searching for... does not exist in this world. So no matter who I find here on earth, I will always be disappointed. Yet, this "perfect" close friend I'm looking for, I found Him. His name is Jesus. He's someone I can just talk to. Share whatever's in my mind. Good things and bad things. Nonsense, jokes or anything. He'll listen to me regardless of how stupid or silly or wrong I am. He offers me advice and is always faithful. He reminds me to humble myself. He offers me comfort through all my worries, indecisiveness, doubts, fears and discontent. He encourages me and push me to do things I'm held accountable for. He reminds me of my commitments and helps me get there. He understands me completely and never gives up on me. And He loves me for who I am, regardless of my shortcomings, mistakes, and ignorance.

Knowing that I have a friend like this. I want to be this kind of friend to someone. I can't be a perfect friend and this I now know that nobody can. But I can rely on Jesus, who lives in me, so that I can be that kind of friend to someone. Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ for being the one true friend that will never disappoint me.

This is what it truly means to have a personal relationship with Christ. You may be struggling with something similar. I ask you to let Christ in your life. No matter what you've done, He wants to be part of your life. He's the best of friends you could ever have. And He's just waiting for you to accept Him. Are you still searching for that friend? He's waiting...

Perfectionist / Perfectionism

I have to admit that I'm very guilty of being a total perfectionist of doing things. When I touch something or do something, it has to be perfect. The cost would be energy and time and sometimes even finances. Or all of the above. It looks bad, doesn't it?

Just recently moved my blog from WordPress to Blogger. Most of my stuff (contacts, calendar, virtual drive, documents, etc.) are with Google. It only makes sense to have my blog there too since they do provide the service anyway. Not to mention, I don't have to pay $12 or so a year for mapping my domain name to the blog URL. Blogger provides it free. Plus, we can customize our favicon! That's neat!

Moving to Blogger, there was some things that needs getting used to. One thing to note is that the dashboard is extremely faster than WordPress' dashboard. Less options, and there are some really annoying things in the editor. One thing is that it uses < br > tags for paragraphs instead of < p > tags. It creates some really annoying formatting problems. It took a couple of nights and some hours to finally settle down and accept that it's NOT WordPress anymore. Haha.....

I had to customize everything so that it is to my liking. I do hate being a perfectionist sometimes. But I realize, it's okay if I can control it and spend that for God instead. I know that I'm not perfect and even if I use the term "perfectionist," I don't literally mean it that way.

If I can be a perfectionist for something so small, and things I do and touch on a day to day basis, there's no reason why I can't be an perfectionist for God. In a spiritual, digging-deeper, asking and understanding, repenting, loving and praying kind of way. Not the weird, cultist, religion rules and regulations, pharisee kind of way, lol.

Well this is what I learned this week. My evaluations and convictions. Something I definitely need to apply to myself regularly. I already do it on almost everything else... why not for my Lord and Saviour Christ Jesus?

But the real issue is getting rid of this all together or at least limit it to a moderation. Honestly, I don't like being a "perfectionist". Its got its pros and cons, but mostly cons because it's just draining. Striving for something unreachable sometimes and just end up disappointed. Working on something and end up where there's a tiny error and you're, again, disappointed. My experience has led me to waste even more time redoing and still, it's not "perfect" and to my liking. Then I look at myself and recap how much time I wasted. In the end, I wasted time and accomplished nothing and I'm extremely disappointed and exhausted.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for you're still shaping me. You've done a lot of things in my life since I've given my life to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Continue to shape me. Continue to mold me. Help me overcome what's constantly holding me back. I don't want to be a perfectionist because I am not perfect. I want to be happy with the simplest things even if they don't look "perfect." Teach me to have a heart like yours. To have eyes that sees what you see. And a mind that seeks what you seek. In your precious Son's name, I pray. Amen.